They need a Spotify Wrapped but for biscuit consumption.
“You ate 1,825 custard creams this year! 🙌 That’s in the top 0.05% of custard cream eaters 👍🥳”
look detective, we’re ALL looking for a hot 5’ 10” guy with athletic build and strong follow through instincts
I’ve got a mind like a computer. Not like as “in quick information processing,”…. but like as in goes to sleep after 5 min of inactivity.
Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever
I don’t think Spotify knows what a genre is. Apparently I’ve been listening to “indie punk death raccoon disco” all year.
Hold on I just need to take of my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first
If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin
Let that sink in
My wife treats me like a check engine light
She does something that turns me on
Then ignores me and hopes I go away
Putting my Christmas tree up today. Big day for my cats
I’m seeing someone new, and we’re at the stage where it’s all sunshine and lollipops and he hasn’t seen me eat a quesadilla like a hungry dinosaur at 2am.
re there other nogs or do we only have the egg one?
need someone to feed me Doritos while i read, so i don’t mess up the pages. no weirdos.
It really ruins the vibe when you’re sharing a hilarious story from your childhood and people are like “omg that’s horrible” or “do you want my therapist’s phone number?”
My bad habits got renewed for another season.
I accidentally convinced people at work that I know what I’m doing and now I’m fighting for my life