Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.
I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?
6 YEAR OLD: how hard do you have to punch someone in the butt to make it fall off?
Terminator: [arriving in 2024, current timeline] yikes, send me back
“playing devil’s advocate” should cause explosive diarrhea 1 out of every 5 times someone (your coworker) says it
An MIT psychologist has warned humans against falling in love with AI, saying it just pretends and does not really care about you. “Oh that’s just a problem with AI, is it?” asked an MIT psychologist’s ex-girlfriend.
Aren’t we all Mavis *sigh*
Urgh. Trying to buy a copy of Catch-22 online but the seller won’t post it until I’ve paid and I won’t pay until I’ve received it.
Big up the 12 yr old kid on my daughter’s school camping trip who has mistakenly got my number listed in her phone as my daughter’s number and so has been texting me from her tent at midnight and 2am going SO WHAT’S THE PLAN?
3yo (in his car seat): Mommy, I want you to cross you legs like a pretzel.
Me (driving): Can’t do that, honey.
3: Well, that’s just the way things are today.
Me: No, honey, I’m driving.
3: 🙄 MOMMY. I am doing it in the car. It is EASY!This is every influencer giving “advice.”
Me: I got a new blanket
My dogs:
Due to inflation, a picture is now worth 2370 words.
No matter how much Polynesian food you eat, you always want Samoa.
If you turn it upside down, a pyramid scheme works out nicely for everyone except the one guy at the bottom.