Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.
washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.
Guy named Jack starts on Thursday and I’ve never been more excited to put someone’s days off on the board at work.
Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.
The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.
“wow i haven’t had anything to eat today” – me right before i remember that i had the lumberjack special for breakfast and placed a respectable 2nd in a spontaneous yet nationally recognized ribs eating contest
bro my son keeps saying “in the 80s we used to…”
dude was born in 2018.
We need to stop telling AI that its paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.
Tabasco is pretty much the worst hot sauce widely available but when you need Tabasco specifically nothing else will do
Found out the hard way the bottle of wine in my parents’ fridge was load-bearing
Get better soon! (I know you’re not sick, I just think you can do better)
Me *retaining absolutely nothing you just said*: Yeah, got all that.
