The doctor tried using the stethoscope on CJ and he goes “no no, EYE baby doc” and tried using the stethoscope on the doctor 🤣 doc goes “hey man I worked hard to use this stethoscope, what are your credentials?” Cj goes “im baby” doc goes “ok that’s fair you can go first” 😂😂
There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time and then they marry each other.
The spelling of “bourgeoisie” was intended as yet another means of oppression
sometimes ppl ask why they got blocked and it’s bc you posted something annoying so i looked you up, found your address, went to your home, snuck inside, looked in your wardrobe, and didn’t like what i saw
I asked my grandma if she had a hard time moving to nyc from Poland as a teen & going to hs in bk knowing 0 English, & if ppl didn’t wanna be friends w her, etc. & she held my shoulder & looked me in the eyes & said, Austyn. I was gorgeous. Everyone wanted to be my friend
“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.
Yesterday our friend couldn’t make it tho the bar so instead of canceling they sent one of their other friends, which none of us have ever met, to replace them. You can do that? We are allowed to send in substitutes???
I’m in New Orleans for the weekend. It must be tough to be a drunk in this city, I’ve yet to encounter a level sidewalk
Saying “my body is a temple” is for people with money. When you’re poor, your body is a car. Like no it’s not supposed to be making that noise.
My husband accused me of not being affectionate, so I kissed the FedEx guy.
Don’t wait until you’re on your death bed to let them know how you feel. You may be too weak to raise your middle finger.
washing mushrooms is the quickest way to figure out exactly how much dirt you’re okay with eating
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.
Guy named Jack starts on Thursday and I’ve never been more excited to put someone’s days off on the board at work.
