If you purchase flame retardant pants, you can tell all the f****ng lies you want.
I think we should let the Just Stop Oil girl out of prison to attend her brother’s wedding, but then stage a protest and block the roads.
Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks
He has no idea 🤡
This scene was so out of pocket looking back 😭 ☠️
Me: I’m Absolutely broke
State of the art tech advertisers who know every single detail of my life: She needs the nicest most expensive bag ever! Oh and Taylor Swift tickets, at 3 times the original price!
#wtfuture
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature?
Tequila mockingbird.
why we do always assume Pat is short for Patrick when it could also be short for Patatouille
Started answering all spam texts/calls of “is this so and so?” with “no, this is Patrick.”
date: what music do you listen to?
me: oh, uhh you know. crosby, stills. (1 hour later) nash. (sending her a text message the next day) and young
bruh why was i singing a song in the uber and the driver was like “nah u havin too much fun” and changed the song ????😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
I have this condition that means I have to vacuum my house daily.
Friend: Oh, OCD?
Me: Children.
Does anyone else’s spouse insist on eating and drinking in the car while driving?
My wife has spilled so much stuff in her car that it looks like the movie Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs was filmed inside it.