Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.
You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.
Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment
The term “domestic housewife” implies that there are feral houswives and now i have a new goal
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk.
Ducks don’t talk…
I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.
You’re an adult. You can do what you want.
Wait…You have kids? Nevermind.
friend: promise you didn’t get me a beeper
me: [from a distance] just open it
My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.