Ok that baby hippo is adorable but how did 90% of my timeline become baby hippo overnight without me ever searching hippo content.
the way he checked his surroundings 😭
Don’t throw away old pyjamas. Collect as many pairs as you can, and in the middle of the night spread them out on Russell Brand’s front lawn so that when he wakes up he’ll think he’s missed the Rapture.
[David Attenborough watching me trying to chase down an ice cream truck in my flip flops] Astounding
Me: How was schoo—
5yo: LUNCH WAS CHEESE PIZZA AS BIG AS MY FACE. THEY HAVE IT EVERY DAY THIS WEEK.
Me: So it was—
5yo: I LOVE IT HERE. FIVE STARS
I was out on a walk when I saw a sign that said, “Man wanted for robbery.”
So I went in and applied for the job.
when i’m president, i will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm