hello I’m britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is I tell you my real surname then my real forename then my real surname again in case you missed it
*Drunk dials Mr. Clean
My house is soooooo dirty right now.
My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.
My uncle works for a company that makes bicycle wheels.
He’s the Spokesman.
Me, when Prime Video asks me to pay an extra $2.99 to remove ads.
You call it Witness Protection, I call it Hide and Seek.
This isn’t going to end well for you.
– me, alone in the house, to the loaf of banana bread on the counter
anywhere a walkable city if u broke enough
So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs.
Pretty dissapointed in them ever since though.
Why my dad got his bald friend contact saved as “Head” in his phone
Taze me once, shame on you; taze me twice, I’ve snuck back into the zoo