400 fucking grocery carts to choose from and I always pick the Ford Pinto with a flat tire.
I miss 2006 when everyone was young and dumb and easy to trick.
Take care of yourself so you can better turn the tables on any serial killer type situation, should it arise.
Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?
Just my luck I get a hypnotist with pink eye.
I hydrated. Surrender now.
It should cost money to watch me bend over to pick something up off the floor
like swimming in quick dry cement
Maybe the reason violence never solves anything is cuz theres never enough of it, you dont know.
Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.
As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.
We never “welcomed” a baby into our family. We just kind of brought them home and tickled them every now and then.
Siri, install a monolith on my boss’ front lawn in the middle of the night.
The enemy of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy is Kevin Bacon
Only 261 days until Oktoberfest.