I forgot to turn my clocks back and omg you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.
Godzilla represents a desire in all of us for our reputation to shift from being seen as a baddie to a good guy while changing our behaviour in no way, shape or form.
A hammock is a terrible place to give or receive bad news.
Statistics Magic: We interviewed 2000 people that have
played Russian Roulette 🔫 before. All 100% of them survived the game.
💯Conclusion: Russian Roulette is completely safe to play!
🎯 🥳#stats
Don’t come back here with your bullshit.
Me, coming back with my bullshit:
Foolishly set my YouTube account up on the main house TV. Now she knows what I’m watching. Not a problem, but she also saw my own vids about restoring a land rover and how much its costing. Now I’m in trouble.
Schrodinger’s Douchebag: (noun) A guy who says offensive things and decides whether he’s kidding or not based on people’s reactions
Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.
In honor of A REAL PAIN hitting theaters, one of my favorite Jesse Eisenberg anecdotes
guy who strips completely naked before starting a fight with the menswear guy
It is my birthday. 🥳
If you’re American, please vote
If you’re not American, marry me
Are you guys ready for tomorrow??? It’s gonna be a HUGE day. I hope you’re prepared. I love taco Tuesdays. Gonna eat so many.