I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone
You want me to go apple picking? The original sin???
Sometimes I’ll buy one of those really big bags of posh Tyrells Crisps and think “why, this amount of crisps will last me three, maybe four days?”. But then I will sit down with the big bag of crisps, and I will enter into what might medically be referred to as a “crisp trance”.
jfc Caroline my wife almost saw this
My partner bought a CD player that we can plug into our car so we can play our CDs and the Amazon listing features the following images. 💀💀💀
One time, in a restaurant, a dude from a rival gang threw a steak at me, so I threw a lobster at him and we got into a huge surf and turf war.
Saying “3 twins” is wild.
honk shuah. sleep on that thang
Once again I find myself asking “How long can I stay in the bathroom before one of my employees realizes I’m gone?”
Most women need a little reassurance.
Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.
Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo
Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.