Saying “3 twins” is wild.
honk shuah. sleep on that thang
Once again I find myself asking “How long can I stay in the bathroom before one of my employees realizes I’m gone?”
Most women need a little reassurance.
Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.
Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo
Welcome to Netflix. We have every movie but the one you actually want to watch.
My husband texted me from Costco to let me know there was a long line & I think he was looking for me to say “don’t worry about it, just come home” but instead I said “don’t forget the ice.”
Moving tip: don’t learn how to read
A comic by Dan Piraro
On the Museum of Science and Industry coal mine tour and the guide asks “how would you improve working conditions in the mine?” This Little One shoots a hand up and cheerfully answers:
“Riot”
When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school.
Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.
ME: I don’t think a Muppet “West Side Story” works because it would start to assign race/class value to the different types of Muppets, and that doesn’t at all align with their established worldview
THERAPIST: ok so like I said we’re gonna up your dosage
Kid at the reference desk said “How should I decide what job I want to do when I grow up?”
I said “Find out if it makes you work on Saturdays and if it does, don’t do that.”
“Is that important?”
“Right this second it’s literally the most important thing.”
#saturdaylibrarian