How did the person who invented the spelling of “banana” decide when to stop?
I was binging Friends with my 14yo and there was a cliffhanger episode and I mentioned that we used to have to wait a week to find out what happened and she looked at me like I just told her we had no running water.
Hot wings have killed many people starting with a dude named Icarus.
Fool me once, shame on you
Fool me twice, shame on me
Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.
It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man
I had a friend growing up who named his dog “dog”. He recently had a baby and I’m disappointed he didn’t do the same thing. Dog would be such a cool name for a baby.
Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families.
Do their families get a say in this?
It’s 97 degrees outside and my kids want to sit in the hot tub. The devil needs to come pick up his children
My neighbors are out in their backyard having an epic argument so it looks like the fireworks show is getting started a little early.
happy 100th birthday caesar salad!! may we all celebrate this day by stabbing a politician
Guy at the airport bar is hitting on my gf directly next to me and i can finally watch youtube videos with both headphones on now that shes occupied
Me: It’s a dinosaur park…
Investor: Oh god yes, here is enough money to cover it going horrifically bad multiple times
Apparently it’s illegal to sell a bottle, a rag, and a pint of gasoline as fireworks to the neighborhood kids here in Nashville
Babysitter: ooh! Got yer nose.
Voldemort: not cool
i saw “independence day” in the theater in 1996, and friends, i will never forget the way the entire audience literally and ecstatically CHEERED when the dog escaped from the explosion. that dog could have won an election for president with like 95% of the vote in july, 1996