I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.
AI is that friend who is always there for you but gives terrible advice.
one of the dumbest varieties of video you see on social media is the whole “this guy built a complete pub/bar/etc in his home!” thing. a bar is a place you go to that has other people. dress it up however you want you’re still drinking alone in your basement, man
first caveman to see fire: well this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and i predict that’s the last i’ll ever see of that
T Mobile confirming my account via text when I have no service will not be lost on me.
There should be a place that rents baby goats out by the hour to come over and maintain your lawn
[getting kidnapped] grab my heating pad too pls
Not to brag but I clean my house once a year whether it needs it or not.
If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.
The devil on my left shoulder says “bring frozen fish sticks to the office potluck”
And the worse devil on my right shoulder says “and then cook them in the staff lounge microwave”
oh, you’re in a situationship?
are you the one with commitment issues or the one with low self worth?
Sorry I was late I was frantically applying to other jobs
Stop normalising things, we’ll run out of the weird shit
Kids have been at camp for 10 days now – we’ve been so curious to hear ANYTHING about camp and finally one letter came last week – which opened with the heartfelt and powerful words of:
“had to write this letter to get a snack”
*files a restraining order against reality*