Me: 🎶I don’t wanna work
I wanna bang on my drum all day
Every day when I get home from work
I feel so frustrated, the boss is a jerk
I get my sticks and go out to the shed
And I pound on that drum like it was the boss’s head
Because-🎶Boss: Reminder to mute yourselves, please
I’m taking a group of 9yos to the water park today. My wife said “just try not to lose any of em” if you’re wondering about her confidence in my parenting skills.
Anyway if anyone’s seen a boy in sponge bob swim trunks please let me know thanks.
Real 😅
i’m gonna allow it
I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.
Be brave. Tell your boss “I don’t think we are quite there yet” when he uses your first name.
I’m the guy that pushes on a pull door then leaves because I think the door is locked.
Dr Raygun has achieved a feat absolutely unheard of in academia – people are reading her thesis
My 6-year-old is looking at pictures of me when I was 18 and she keeps saying “You still look the same!” Might write her siblings out of the will and leave everything to her idk
Always this one for me forever
“we will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems
To every YT creator out there
Never put text on the bottom..
Biggest mistake in my life.
Streamers say ‘mods’ the same way a medieval lord would say ‘guards’
today my coworker unknowingly told Zooey Deschanel that she “looks like Zooey Deschanel but older” ⚰️
can anyone recommend some good behaviours for someone who just started behaving
