The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.
Me doing a heist: which one of us is gonna be British
My husband: Can I ask a really stupid question
Me: More than anyone I know
I love spending time with my kid so I can hear about things like the pickup lines the boys use. (Her favorite is, “I’ll be your Lightning if you’ll be McQueen.”)
9: if a cigar is just made from a plant then why can’t kids have them?
me: I’m just trying to drink my morning coffee man.
me: uhhh what did you do?
9: [frantically trying to wash his blue colored hands] nothing. I did nothing!
If the sun is blacking out at 1pm on a Monday than so am I
tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.
Trying to remember if I ever promised anyone I’d do something “the next time there’s a total solar eclipse” just to get them off my back
There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.
*brings a mattress to a trust fall*
Nothing makes my kid understand the value of money more than me owing them $4.37
you ran a half marathon? that’s really cool, i’ve almost finished a bunch of things too
I sure do wish I had “Queen” energy rather than “starving raccoon rummaging through a trash can” energy but here we are
sisters are so important. how else would my mom find out all the stuff i didn’t want her to know