I’ve watched so many docuseries about cults lately, I think I would be good at it, you know, as a member. Honestly, cults look like a blast at the beginning and middle just before all the crimes start.
The shittier a bank’s website is, the safer your money is. Clean and easy to use web portal? You’re being scammed. Barely functioning console log looking windows 95 ass flash page? Sleep easy at night.
Had to take my niece to the ER today, because she swallowed a toy train.
Doc said she bit off more than she could choo.
they need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. i have to know what goes on in there
Scientists says humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for 4 months, so who’s really ahead
If you don’t have personal demons, store bought is fine.
blocked him on everything and he shared a google doc with me😭
they should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience
we don’t make people walk the plank like we used to
People are always calling me “Einstein” so I know I’m super duper smart.
Cyber Monday has become too commercialized
So cool that avocados come with those little wooden balls inside, I think I have collected the whole set
Avocado pits are exceptionally useful, in some unexpected ways.
I once smuggled an avocado pit in my prison wallet when I had to go to jail for a bit.
Three days later. I carefully removed it then artfully carved a lockpick out of it. When I was caught a week later in Florida, I refused to tell them how I’d escaped. The sheriff who drove me back to prison told me I had balls.
If only he knew the truth.
Above the law? I’m 5’3” tall, I’m barely above the counter.
Hunter Biden implies the existence of Gatherer Biden