How to make ‘Small Talk’ with an Introvert:
Step 1: Identify the introvert
Step 2: Smile at the introvert and walk away without speaking
Step 3: Understand that the introvert enjoyed your time together
In my 20’s: jingle all the way!
In my 40’s: jingle til around six thirty
As a man you should NEVER watch your woman struggle to pay bills.
Dump her and find one with some money
For sale: Safe word. Sadly, never used
Me in January: (stuffing tangled lights and ornaments into unlabeled boxes) Problem for another day!
Me in December: Son of a b****
Times are tough, wanna go halfsies on this demon with me?
Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting a hug for Christmas.
I caught my 3yo singing “And a partridge in a pantry”
thought for sure getting laid off was way more sexual
Researching blood spatter patterns to make tonight’s Shelf Elf display as technically accurate as possible
15: how come I have to go to bed but you get to stay up late?
me: cause I’m 41 and can make bad decisions
My dad installed a dash cam in my car at some point when I was home for thanksgiving and I found out when I turned my car on to go to target and a very clearly Chinese lady’s voice said “start recording” out of nowhere
i wonder if americans realize just how much more insulting the phrase “room temperature IQ” is to those who use the metric system
When something says it needs 2 minutes in the microwave but 40 minutes in the oven it does make you think a little bit about wtf is going down in the microwave
According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well