Me in a huff: you just said disrobe down to my socks. You didn鈥檛 say anything about staying in the exam room
[struggling to get out of a hammock] come here and say that
If an astronaut goes really fast they鈥檙e a fastronaut
I fixed it. For me
How does someone manage that 馃え
I鈥檝e reached the part of my summer where I鈥檓 excited that I鈥檒l soon be able to stop checking my kids鈥檚 heads for ticks and go back to just checking for lice
I toss and turn in bed all night like a beautiful rotisserie chicken.
seriously you guys
My new baby cousin is half Bengali/ quarter Portuguese and a quarter Nigerian. And the first thing my uncle says is welcome to the world baby United Nations 馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶
Lots of bills lately. I might have to sell a kidney. Haven鈥檛 decided whose yet.
Loan Officer: And the reason for the loan?
Me: I need printer ink.
Guys which shade of gery should I get
I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.
Is it wrong that I lied on my tinder profile about how many tusks I have?