lesbianism is all fun and games until your wife has filled the house with more and more yarn and fabric for her textile crafts
there is another woman in my relationship and her name is Joanne Fabrics
Instead of “Take Your Child To Work Day” there should be a “Take Your Therapist To Work Day” so they can see exactly what you’ve been talking about
No, you’re not getting it your honor
Me: Head shoulders knees & toes
Doctor: ok no problem
Me: eyes ears mouth & nose
Doctor: that’s a different guy
*me almost finished with a chore*
Husband: Here, let me do that.
Next time someone slides into your dm asking for a pic send a pic of your bills
follow me for more tips
If we all just agree, this could be a 3 day weekend too
Once a year there is a public event at my old job that I dress in cosplay for and walk around incognito taking pictures of everything that looks terrible to send to my old coworkers.
There are three stages in a woman’s life.
1. Pampers
2. Always
3. Depends
Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”
95% percent of forest fires are caused by someone walking in corduroy pants.
have y’all tried calories? they’re so gooood
People who talk to themselves tend to be great lovers.
Did you know that?
Yes, I did know that.
Thank you for asking.
Norman Bates’ favorite reference book was the enpsychopedia.
I’ve left my past behind me so if I owe you money sorry I’ve left it behind me