When your diet is finally over.
I have a colonoscopy today. Yesterday, I started my prep. Haven’t ate anything in over 24 hours and drank all the laxative. It’s been a long 24 hours so far of just hanging out in my bathroom.
Just checked my phone and realized my colonoscopy is actually July 12th and not June 12th…..
I hate myself
Got my COVID test result back. 70, whatever that means. Luckily I also got my IQ test results and they were positive
today I was vaping and a man said “is that good for the baby” so I guess I’m throwing this high waisted dress in the garbage
You think you’re having a bad day? My daughter learned that the average woman spends 10 years on her period and believed it to mean all at once.
You ever try to stab salad lettuce with a fork? It’s like trying to put pants on a toddler. Oh I got… nooo, no I don’t
If Brussels sprouts can be bitter and celebrated, so can I.
Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.
has anyone considered that millennials aren’t aging bc those koolaid jammers and lunchables preserved us?
Welcome to your 40’s, or as I call it “Two Leonardo DiCaprio Girlfriends”
I wish you could comment on Zillow.
Like “Wtf are you smoking this house is not worth 990k”
The comment section would be very entertaining
Not being able to see likes on comments is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers
I ordered some groceries, they delivered to the address next door she took them in her house. I went to get them she had put them in the kitchen gone say I thought they was a gift, b***h don’t play with me I’m not in the mood.
being able to sleep 8 hours straight is also wasted on children. for what? what do you have to do tomorrow? if i don’t get enough sleep tonight, i might get fired
One of those leashes parents use for kids but it’s to make sure my friend doesn’t leave me alone at a party