Paper jam is the least delicious of all preserves…
Someone once told me it couldn’t be done, so do you know what I did? I immediately said, “Ok” and stopped trying and I’ve never been more relaxed.
My favorite part of Twisters was the throughline about the storm chasers being altruistic, ditching science to help people, like for instance telling them to go the opposite direction of the tornado, or find shelter, or “get down.” Where would these Oklahomans be without them
Dying sensei: Please, be mindful.. If you remember just one thing… A butterfly flaps its wings… hurricane, across the world …
Me (writing down in my notebook): Butteflys Dangerous
Them: “let me know if i’m ever annoying you”
Me: *10 seconds later “ok… well this is awkward”
I shit my pants last week, which is crazy because I’m usually more of a toilet guy.
I do want to see supervillain origin stories as films. But not the tragic event that forever warped their minds.
I want to see them, like, a few days after they decided to become villains and start trying to source goons, try out costume themes, real organizational stuff.
I duck my head when I drive into parking garages if you want to know what kind of superior intellect I have passed to my kids
Getting depressed while you paddle a tiny boat is called cryaking.
The documentary My Octopus Teacher will not be shown tonight due to tentacle difficulties.
it’s so hard to see someone else living your dream
the guy who ran this museum we are in in Slovenia just talked us through how the museum worked and then said “seeing as you’re British, please don’t steal anything for your own museum”
I shut down my rodent removal business. No more Mr. Mice Guy.
Nothing is more important to me than my family. They’re the only ones who get my references.