I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating the entire box of donuts.
Halifax authorities had to remove a deer from a downtown bar. Proving once and for all that Halifax bouncers don’t check IDs.
The way this guy who wants today’s newspaper is low-key gonna find the guy in the branch who currently has today’s newspaper even if he has to search every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse to do it
I’ve been watching ER and was like “wow they never wrap up any storyline. How unique. It must be to reflect how it really feels to be an ER doc, you never know what happens to your patients.” Anyway, just realized 5 eps in Hulu was cutting episodes off 7 minutes early.
A list of fun place names to ask an American to say:
-Worcestershire
-Leicestershire
-Gloucester
-Edinburgh
-Loughborough
-Southwark
-Marylebone
-Reading
-Cholmondeley
-Towcester
-Berwick
-Cirencester
-Salisbury
-High Wycombe
-Chiswick
-Leominster
-Ruislip
Was just walking along when I got news that caused me to clasp my hands over my face in gentle despair, at which point a passing teen with impeccable timing shouted ‘Peekaboo!’ at me.
britney spears working at an ice cream shop called scoops i did it again.
Two mallards keep pooing in my garden, and it looks like an explosion at a piccalilli factory, so I’ve called them Simon & Garfunkel.
Yellow duck mess, my old friend.
Today is International “Hug Your Cat” day. Which means tomorrow is International “Band-aid and Neosporin” day.
We’re possibly the most untrustworthy nation due to our inability to control our politeness.
“No problem at all, the food was delicious in the end, thank you, well worth the wait!”
Translation: I won’t be coming to this restaurant again.
That time I was late for work and the boss asked why I was tardy and I said, “I don’t think you’re supposed to call people that any more.”
She said she wanted to eat at “the most expensive place in town” so here we are at the stadium concession stand.
Yes, we have some library patrons who are disinclined to receive assistance from a woman for twisted reasons, but don’t worry, they’re counterbalanced by the patrons who prefer to receive assistance from a woman for twisted reasons.
my buddy told me he was on a plane and they were like “is there a doctor on board” and he was like “im a paramedic” and they were like “no it’s ok we found a DOCTOR” and the doctor was like “uhhh i haven’t examined a patient since med school can we please bring the paramedic”
anyways turns out the person was just sleeping so everything was fine