Most people in your life will come and go but occasionally you’ll meet someone really special who makes you contemplate murder.
has anyone considered that millennials aren’t aging bc those koolaid jammers and lunchables preserved us?
Welcome to your 40’s, or as I call it “Two Leonardo DiCaprio Girlfriends”
I wish you could comment on Zillow.
Like “Wtf are you smoking this house is not worth 990k”
The comment section would be very entertaining
Not being able to see likes on comments is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers
I ordered some groceries, they delivered to the address next door she took them in her house. I went to get them she had put them in the kitchen gone say I thought they was a gift, b***h don’t play with me I’m not in the mood.
being able to sleep 8 hours straight is also wasted on children. for what? what do you have to do tomorrow? if i don’t get enough sleep tonight, i might get fired
One of those leashes parents use for kids but it’s to make sure my friend doesn’t leave me alone at a party
Me watching any ad in 2024: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?
Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?
Overheard at the grocery store:
“Oh, I need a baguette.”
“A female bag?”
“God, you’re such a himbo, Kyle.”
My grandma (99, dementia) was at a trivia night in her memory care unit and they asked “Who shot JFK?” and she said “I did.”
Denmark has recalled packets of instant Korean ramen for being too spicy. In related news, the United Kingdom has recalled packets of plain instant porridge for the same reason.
Not religious but been going through a hard time so lit a candle in a church today for the first time to seek help. 30 mins later a pigeon shat on my head
it’s the baby’s birthday! i say happy birthday!!! he says “it feels so nice to be 6 again”
😃 what 😃 do 😃 you 😃 mean 😃 sir