pressed play on ‘moana’ on disney plus and they hit me with a trailer for ‘moana 2.’ pissin me off. now i know moana doesn’t die in ‘moana’
Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle
My favorite Christmas movies are A Christmas Story, A Charlie Brown Christmas and The Exorcist
All the characters in the 2006 sci-fi comedy ‘Idiocracy’ wear Crocs because the costume designer thought they were futuristic and too ugly to ever become popular in real life
1 have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data
a friendship and a fart have a lot in common, both have the potential to turn into something bigger
we really living in the the most difficult section of someone’s AP gov exam in 2053
whoever was the first to shorten “Richard” down to “Dick” must have really hated that guy
hide the Elf on the Shelf while you’re drunk so it can be a searching game for both you & the kids the next morning
I turn off the light to sprinkle on hot sauce because I like surprises
The women working in my office will wear a live bear on their back if it’s lower than 71°
Not sure if whoever designed parking garages is an architectural genius or sadist
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom!
husband: *worrying*
me: I don’t think you should worry about that
husband: well what should I worry about instead then
My wife is pregnant and we met the doctor that said he would deliver our baby.
I told him that I would prefer our baby to still have his or her liver