When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.
My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.
Like a hot-air balloon ride above manure mountain I am over this shit and slightly unstable
Don’t fall for the ‘Deep-fry your money in batter’ investment scam – that’s how I frittered away all my savings.
Industry heads warn the cost of airfare will continue to rise, at least if passengers keep whining about things like “doors falling off” and “having their luggage.”
I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.
lesbianism is all fun and games until your wife has filled the house with more and more yarn and fabric for her textile crafts
there is another woman in my relationship and her name is Joanne Fabrics
Instead of “Take Your Child To Work Day” there should be a “Take Your Therapist To Work Day” so they can see exactly what you’ve been talking about
No, you’re not getting it your honor
Me: Head shoulders knees & toes
Doctor: ok no problem
Me: eyes ears mouth & nose
Doctor: that’s a different guy
*me almost finished with a chore*
Husband: Here, let me do that.
Next time someone slides into your dm asking for a pic send a pic of your bills
follow me for more tips
If we all just agree, this could be a 3 day weekend too
Once a year there is a public event at my old job that I dress in cosplay for and walk around incognito taking pictures of everything that looks terrible to send to my old coworkers.
There are three stages in a woman’s life.
1. Pampers
2. Always
3. Depends