big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings
About to watch Tenet for the first time and I enjoyed it
Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare
Got a pedicure with my wife and those spas have everything they need to dispose of a dead body
My neighbor is handing out hot dogs, Kit Kats & Pez. When a group of kids arrives I’ll yell “They’re eating the dogs! They’re eating the Kats! They’re eating the Pez of the people who live there!”
having a job is cool but everydayyy???
Trick or treaters are coming to my house asking for candy but I’m giving them something even better: a lecture on the importance of voting
Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.
Me handing out gift bags at my Halloween party: don’t worry – it’s already dead
Do kids still eat Tide Pods? I forgot to buy candy.
Shallow zombies are like “looooooooks”
The Eggorcist
me: my daughter wants to be a princess, and my son wants to be a bank robber
coworker: what adorable costumes!
me: costumes?
Good news: multiple library patrons have said they love my Halloween costume. Bad news: I wasn’t aware I was wearing a costume.
