zordon: YOU ARE MY POWER RANGERS
9th graders: whoa!
zordon: HERE ARE THE KEYS TO THE MEGAZORD
9th graders: but we don’t even have our driver’s licens–
zordon: GO GO POWER RANGERS
Him: [handing me $20] here’s your Christmas present
Me: thanks [handing it back] here’s yours
At my funeral I won’t need a coffin. I will be cremated from the neck down and my head will be on a stick. If you want to say anything about me you have to hold my head stick
mom: are u coming to ur uncle’s funeral
my brain: grant, be careful
me: sorry, I can’t make it
brain: careful
me: because
brain: easy
me: my uncle died
brain: oh ffs
wife: ugh the baby’s been crying for hours, can you take over?
me: sure *starts crying for hours*
[first day as a 911 operator]
me: nine hundred and eleven what is your emergency
if you cant handle me at my “bit by a radioactive lobster” u dont deserve me at my “using lobster powers to help u gain custody of your son”
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her! And that’s when my son went back to playing Minecraft 🙁
I’m really tired of the LED headlights on some cars. Like I’m really glad you can see 92 miles ahead but the rest of us are blind now.
when i go to an improv show and they ask for a suggestion i always scream out “don’t do any improv”
when i go to an improv show and they ask for a suggestion i always scream out “don’t do any improv”
No thanks, free health assessment. I don’t want to know what I’m doing to my body
No thanks, free health assessment. I don’t want to know what I’m doing to my body
Netflix: Because you watched that one movie that had Christmas lights in the background of a scene, here are 37 Netflix original holiday movies you might enjoy…
Netflix: Because you watched that one movie that had Christmas lights in the background of a scene, here are 37 Netflix original holiday movies you might enjoy…