I just found out that they made an entire movie based on my favorite Will Smith song “Men in Black.”
{Pixar Meet & Greet}
Buzz Lightyear: I’m a talking toy
Dory: I’m a talking fish
Lightning McQueen: I’m a talking car
Guy from UP: My wife died
Everyone:
Dory: I’m a talking fish
We belong together like chocolate and strawberries, like burgers and fries, like laundry and exercise equipment.
“WHAAAAATTT?” – The first almond to be milked
[horse walks into a bar]
Bartender: Why the long face?
H: The world is spiraling down the crapper.
BT: You’re supposed to say-
H: Just pour.
Do people who talk on their phones while driving know you can use driving as an excuse to avoid talking on the phone?
“No matter what it is, two chews and a swallow is all you need. Efficiency is the key…”
~Dogs probably
[me buying something stupid and don’t need that’s $7.99] cool it’s only seven bucks
[me later] can’t believe i wasted ten bucks on this
*opens door
*finds flower petals and candles leading to bedroom
*calls cops to report a break in
when you burst out your jeans
and then eat human beings
you’re a werewolf
Director: one of you actors tampered with my DNA last night!
Tom Cruise: not me, I went cruising
Elizabeth Banks: I was at the bank.
Gene Hackman: *drops test tube in surprise*
Me: get out, it’s my turn in the hedge now you’ve been hogging it way too long
Hedgehog: no
Salad is by far the lamest type of bar.
Alright, I know you’re all wary of funding another Jurassic Park when all the others have ended in disaster, but I have 3 words that will blow your mind: Chance the Velocirapper
*high looking at my cat*
When did I get a fluffy chicken?