When I was in elementary school, I won first place in three years of science fairs. When my daughter was in elementary school, I also won first place in three science fairs.
Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena
We are never ever ever getting back together 🎶
Tupperware lids
The news: Let’s ask a random idiot on the street what they think.
When I hear the noises of the house settling, I wonder what kind of owner it really wanted.
alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. but you’re not gonna like the performance
*my dog starts barking when suddenly 20 other neighborhood dogs start barking back at him. i just laugh & point at him*
haha, you’re getting ratioed!
I cheated on my exam by hiding all the answers in my head and accessing it throughout the test.
Please know that my definition of “busy” varies widely. I could be doing my taxes, but I could also be watching a random YouTuber make something called “hobo biscuits” out of three ingredients over an open fire next to an abandoned railroad track.
accidentally clicking the spam button on someone you email regularly but being too lazy to undo it and seeing how it plays out
who decided to call it a “paternity test” instead of a “pop quiz?”
Them: “ah just the guy I wanted to see”
My brain: well this can’t be good
I’m a perfektionist, this is expozure therappy
Putting socks on my feet to keep me warm isn’t enough. I want them to come up to my shoulders
my car accidentally drove to chick-fil-a again i hate when it does that