Patient: When I broke my hip, you were there for me.
When I fell, you were there for me.
When I got MRSA you were there for me. And now that I’m dying, here you are again. Do you know what I think of that?
Me: What?
Patient: I think you’re bad luck!
Helping my daughter with her 3rd grade math homework has me doubting I ever passed 3rd grade math.
“time flies” then why the hell is it still January bro
Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.
Well, I just invested all my retirement savings in Nvidia. Now to take a big sip of coffee and see what’s trending on twitter.
Inventor of sparkling water: Hear me out; water, but it hurts.
I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.
why can’t i explore the dentist’s mouth too
“Would library staff like training on potential future applications of AI?” my dude I’m still waiting for someone to show me how to use our payroll software
wife: please be careful with that box…you remember the bead incident
narrator: of course he remembered the bead incident. it was may, 2017. he’d decided to surprise her by organizing the closet, but it was he who would soon be surprised.
*changing sex positions*
ok now let’s do a silly one
i cant believe ChatGPT lost its job to AI
I don’t actually have to be rich I just need access to the parallel universe where I already am rich and just borrow money from me. What am I gonna say no? I wouldn’t, but that’s just me and sometimes I surprise myself.
“you guys will complain about anything” yeah im on the complain app
Petting my cat, and all the sudden she felt the need to give herself an entire bath. I know it sounds weird, but I think I creeped her out.