Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P
I’m not saying I’m a magician, but I can make all of your clothes disappear fast
Me: wow I have so much shit to do before I have to pick the kids up, I need to stop getting distracted
Also me: now seems like a good time to make a wreath using wild grapevines and dried flowers for my secret Santa
The Wizard of Oz is basically a
movie about two women willing kill each other over a pair of shoes.
I refer to one of my neighbors as the “older lady on the end,” but it turns out she’s like my age.
Me: Can I leave work early?
Boss: Only if you make up the time
Me: Ok, It’s 45 past 60
imagine how many people are in a mr. beast torture sphere right now and missing all this
everyday is christmas if you’re a shopaholic with adult money
If an alien egg starts hatching in front of u, I would recommend not leaning over it to look inside. I’d back tf up. Just my two cents
The original Alien is the best because of the smoking. No futuristic nicotine delivery. Just blasting cigs around all that sensitive space equipment. That’s the direction technology advanced: to allow cigarettes in spacecrafts.
My really creepy/annoying neighbor asked me to borrow $20 for an emergency last week and now he’s been ducking me and it’s so awesome. Would have payed way more to get this guy to leave me alone
ChatGPT is down rn and if you listen closely, you can hear millions of content creators screaming
I don’t think I’m a stoner….more herbally infused.
I am preparing a divorce case with graphic compromising photos and they are scattered on my living room floor as I mark each one with exhibit stickers. My mom walks in and glances at the floor and says, “Oh! Are you making a scrapbook? I want to help!”
No. No you do not.
PDF: *pops up at 176%*
Why are you yelling at me