9YO: dad, what animal would you say you most look like?
ME: i dunno, a turtle maybe
9: haha yeah
ME: what about you?
9: i don’t look like an animal
Over the summer, I went to the very North of the Isle of Lewis on a field trip to map the geology there with a close friend of mine. The google street view car went past. We had a geological hammer. The following masterpiece, now on google street view, was the result
You can get away with having a large pile of dirty clothes easily, if you put a sign on top of them that sais ”Experiment”
When a woman texts you three questions you should only answer one. She will love that.
I have a photographic memory, but I’ve run out of film
hey i noticed you’re not saying what i want
Friend: The year is almost over. What have you accomplished?
Me: I don’t like your tone.
You don’t scare me, you’re not my kid noticing her sibling got a bigger slice of cake.
I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.
“tom cruise does his own stunts” ok? so do i. i just have fewer stunts to do. fewer stunts are being asked of me
I don’t use the Gregorian calendar anymore but instead have moved on to the one God intended us to use — the Costco calendar.
Halloween was back in August, it’s currently the middle of Christmas, and I’m looking forward to January when summer arrives.
I am absolutely never leaving this website
I see the Chancellor has raised passenger duty on private planes by a whopping 50%? Those multi billionaires are going to have to stop buying avocados and going to Starbucks.
Ah, the suitcase at the end of the trip. Seeing all the things you brought but didn’t use. A time to reflect upon the lack of knowledge you have of yourself and the world around you.