I just want the confidence of my teen who replied “Who’s this?” to a guy who texted her after ghosting her for a month.
*wonders if people named Mike shout “mic drop” instead of “parkour” when they fall over
Told my 56-year-old coworker that I’m a bit anti-social and he said “yeah I noticed that about you, you don’t necessarily light up a room”
About to throw up
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“But it’s my only vice” I say to myself as I do my 13th unhealthy thing for the day
i’ve never successfully skipped a stone. just thrown a lot of rocks straight into water. harassed a lot of fish i guess
Explaining hardcore to my sister:
“Some bands yell their own name in the song and it goes SO HARD.”
My sister: “Like, ‘Shakira, Shakira?'”
Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep
Remember the first day of school when you’d show up with your pencil case, your rucksack and your Flash Speed Mop?
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My girlfriend keeps asking me how I’m feeling once in a while like I’m fine are you slowly poisoning me?
What’s the point buying it then?
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