I hope this email finds you-
Waldo: *slams laptop shut* holy fuck that was close
Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!
I work out with two other gays a few times a week and one of them said this morning “I’m going to a gala where we have to wear caftans á la Mrs. Roper from Threes Company” and I heard our very straight, very young trainer just mumble “I didn’t understand a word of that sentence.”
so a US company has to buy tiktok or the app will be banned??? Well folks, looks like we need to put on the best talent show this town has ever seen.
Gonna get my eye looked at today.. usually it’s the other way around
My laptop: *cannot find printer*
Me: *gesturing* look it’s right there
There are really only two seasons:
soup
salad
Went to a social event for my kid’s new school and they asked the parents to share what your friends like in 7th grade and I told them if I shared that you wouldn’t let your kid hang out with mine.
Survivor: The Dryer Edition.
Jeff Probst: The tribe has spoken. Wool sock, it’s time to go.
Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.
Annoying when people applaud the plane landing.
Worrying when you realise it’s the pilot and cabin crew.
Is it “shitshow” or “shit show”? I just want
Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?
[David Attenborough watching me pour syrup on my waffles before I put them in the toaster] Turn the camera off this man needs help
If you wear cowboy clothes are you technically ranch dressing