Is it “shitshow” or “shit show”? I just want
Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?
[David Attenborough watching me pour syrup on my waffles before I put them in the toaster] Turn the camera off this man needs help
If you wear cowboy clothes are you technically ranch dressing
A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble
Whenever I start feeling mom guilt for letting my kids watch tv, I put it in Spanish. Now my kids are getting Spanish lessons
I’m going to be real with you. my dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon
non-violent communication is so important in a relationship! instead of:
“you never take out the trash”
try:
“i FEEL like the spreadsheet i’ve kept for the last six months indicates you only took the trash out 3.2% of the time”
What question should you NEVER ask a Geologist?
Are these Tectonic Plates dish washer safe?
klingon
*two claps*
klingoff
me, being swallowed whole by a komodo dragon: haha, okay we get it, you don’t like to chew
Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.
My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”
“god has a plan for you” ok well i have some notes for him
NASA just received data from 47-year old Voyager 1, which is 15 billion miles from earth. My daughter, who is 34 and lives six miles from me, still hasn’t returned my text.