Seems legit
I’ve started doing some weight training. I’ve already taught them “sit” and “stay.
You don’t see great advertising like this anymore
Accidentally asking a complete stranger what they fancy for dinner, as your partner’s quietly wandered off to a different part of the supermarket
embarrassed bc i’m walking down the sidewalk and a rat is just like walking next to@me and it looks like we’re together
Friend: Since 2024 is almost over what have you accomplished this year?
Me: I don’t like your tone
Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt
The man who makes the giant eclairs in our local patisserie is retiring next month. There’ll be some big chouxs to fill when he goes
Everyone got SO MAD when I started singing Gravity during the movie! Like I’m sorry but I PAID to be here. It’s not my fault Wicked was sold out and I had to see Gladiator II.
Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.
Dude told me his sister got in trouble for drugs. I called her Bethanphetamine, he blocked me. Too bad. There was potential
I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.
I’m so lazy I let my battles pick me
Why ‘airport KFC’ and not ‘Kentucky Fried Check-In’?
Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard