what do you mean you’re the glamdalorian
“My lawyer will have me out in an hour.”
Someone asked if my niece was my sister and the look of pleasure on my 40 year old face was matched only by the look of horror on her teenage face
god, never seen san francisco this bad. spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood, things have got to change
My humor is broken
Been banned from every restaurant in my town for refusing to stop calling lasagna ‘Italian meat cake’.
Going to a hair-washing party tonight. Really don’t want to go but I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out of it.
An app where you and your SO swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?
I thought you all should know that there’s a guy who just does VR drunk driving all day
I finally gave up telling my Boomer mum there’s no fine for not rewinding the movie after watching it anymore… Netflix have people who do that after you go to bed, mum!
Just crossed the border into Germany and the border police asked “Where did you come from? Where did you go?”
AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF MY SELF-RESTRAINT 🤣
Weird how parrots and I tend to share the same opinions