Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one
If your name is Marco and you were in the dentist office waiting room this morning, just wanted to apologize for my three teenage daughters yelling, ‘Polo’ in unison after they called your name.
damn girl r u internet explorer cause u are not responding lol
I think more men would go to therapy if it was competitive. “Fourteen points in healthier communication? Yes! Eat my dust, Kyle! You emotionally unavailable loser!”
Every change you make in life starts with crafting clothes for nuns. It’s all about creating habits.
Good morning to everyone except the parent in my 6yo’s class who paid out ten dollars as the tooth fairy.
When did the tooth fairy stop leaving four shiny quarters per tooth? In the same glass the tooth was in? I’m not busting into my kid’s college fund to hire an event coordinator and pay an imaginary glitter witch to be invisible for five minutes.
Ik the point of all cult documentaries is anyone can fall into a cult but I rly don’t see it happening for me just bc I’m sooo lazy and the odds of me signing up for an empowerment or healing workshop are below zero like I hate having stuff to do
Kids are so cute how they use every single glass you own and then make you search for them around the house like an Easter egg hunt from hell.
Cat: I want attention.
Me: *pets cat*
Cat: the f*** you think you’re doing??
male cult leader: I have received a new revelation from the lord
me: let me guess, he wants you to have multip—
cult leader: I am to have multiple wives
My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.
Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?
My job just drug tested my coworker but they took the hair from her wig 😂
Ok so my husband and I are mad at each other, and I just noticed on the grocery list he wrote “A Better Attitude”
Do I laugh or….?
I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around