Opened the back door and a tiny lizard fell from the sky. It’s either a sign, or the smallest plague ever.
Whenever I think of you, I am grateful for the many, many miles between us.
“this corrupt city needs a hard rain. a hard penetrating rain for a dirty city. a thrusting rain. god so deep” – from my novel Sex Rain
[someone stops being my friend]
ah that’s sad they must have died
Nothing in this life is certain, except death and taxes.
And stepping in water if you’re wearing socks.
*Gets on plane*
*Takes out earbuds*
*Untangles earbuds*
*Plane lands*
[eating a foot long sub]
*spits out tiny periscope*
WIFE: omg someone’s broken in!
ME *bravely grabs baseball bat from under the bed* wait here[downstairs]
FRIEND: Can’t you just tell her you want to play baseball?
ME: Keep your voice down
It was thirty seconds til daybreak
I waited patiently
And then it dawned on me
Remember in your 20s when you sat upright to eat
Guys, I gotta run. I left the fire place video streaming.
You can abandon any ideas of serving me with papers, sir, for as long as my foot remains in this toilet, I am only subject to Maritime Law.
I hope Bitcoin is like Snapchat in that people stop talking about it before I have to learn what it is.
You know how sharks die if they ever stop swimming?
It’s the same with my mother in law and talking.
I act all mature and parental until there is only one popsicle left.