The doctor said working puzzles would keep Grandma’s mind sharp. She’s been in the corn maze going on four days, so that remains to be seen.
Yeah I do yoga.
Ninja Yoga.
I’m so good at it, you won’t even see me there.
In the event of a robot invasion, show them a photo and ask them to point out the street signs. It fries their circuits and they explode.
Never call it a guest room.
That’s just asking for trouble.
*shampoos & conditions hair
*rinses hair
*blowdries hair
*straightens hair
*spits toothpaste into hair
To be honest, the only reason I’m interested in space is to experience the sublime satisfaction of throwing an enemy out of an airlock.
In my defense, I never said that I had “completed the project.” I said that I was “done working on it.” Two totally different things.
Ernest Hemingway buys a pair of shoes mail order, but accidentally orders in a baby’s size. He tries to sell them, but no one understands
“Michael just bought a popcorn popper. You know what he probably wants to buy next? *Another* popcorn popper.”
-Amazon suggestions logic
Did I remember to take Ambien? I’ll ask my lamp. He’s speaking German but maybe I’ll get the gist.
Accidentally mixed up Sudoku and Sepukku again. Long story short it’s a good thing I was already in a doctor’s waiting room
if you mesopotamia, you better cleanupotamia
I just asked my German friend if he has a lucky number and now I can’t figure out if he does or not.
Think about it – every single corpse on Mt. Everest was once a highly motivated person.
Stay lazy my friends.
“No, it’s not me” 😂💀
