I’m afraid we’ve been misjudging everyone who surfs in a hurricane. They’ve got it right.
My life is fraught with reality
My current wife says she doesn’t like my use of adjectives
If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it
I just ate $35 worth of Taco Bell before entering this escape room. We’re getting out one way or another.
I can’t tell if this character in the movie I’m watching is a villain or just German.
How many gray sedans in a parking lot is too many? Should I go to a different Walgreens?
hear me out: A Netflix series where MMA champions go undercover to Eagles games wearing the opposing team’s jersey
Going to the bank for a loan, so excited can’t even put my ski mask on
*fills out form*
*clicks “send me a copy”*
email: *dings*
me: ooh what’s that
what is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit i think i would be good at that
My son told me I should have a coffee detox, I was so upset I couldn’t sleep for hours.
That’s why… not cause he was right or anything
Museums are a joke like please don’t steal this old shit nobody would never use
I wonder what happens when you stop chasing waterfalls and the waterfalls start chasing you?
The decibel level of my car singing is not commensurate with my talent