I’m sorry, but owning a pet and being a parent are not the same. Your lizard did not tell you that you sucked today.
Fell down the stairs and my 5yo complained, that it was so loud. I told him, i would fall more quietly next time and he looked at me like i was very stupid and said”Just don’t fall at all!” I was glad that he provided this solution!
I love how my 4yo takes the time to stop what she’s doing to give me advice whenever I’m struggling, “maybe next time take the bread out of the oven before it burns.” That’s a good point, thanks.
More like Kate Missington.
The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for
British people tell you that they live in a real country and then introduce you to someone called the Marchioness of Cholmondeley
I bought a stationary bike last year and, boy oh boy, has it lived up to its name.
I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.
Imagine you are genuinely trying to recover from a major surgery and you just have your social media and PR team coming in with increasingly worse news
Spent 5 minutes enjoying the smoothest shave of my life before realizing I forgot to take the plastic cover off the razor.
Billion dollar technology idea:
A printer that works
At the donut store this morning I point to a photo on the wall and ask “is this a Mapplethorpe print?” The guy asks me how I can recognize art like that. I tell him “I’m an art nerd.” He says “well I’m a donut nerd so I have no idea.”
Chef: I like it when the roast beef falls apart.
Roast beef: *starts talking about its ex-boyfriend*
just got back from time traveling to get hitler kicked out of art school because i hated his paintings. you guys probably don’t even know who I’m talking about huh
If you’re not sure how to reply in a conversation, just ask “In what context?” to buy time & let the person rattle on for another half hour.