It was so windy today when I was walking to the gym that I got blown into the wine store
if we get nuked while i’m at work i’m gonna be so mad
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until you’re sure most the birds have flown south.
Snow joke. Follow us all season long for more important winter tips!
“We’d love to hear your feedback about our site!”
I don’t think you will….
Optimist: The cup is half full.
Pessimist: The cup is half empty.
Taxidermist: The cup was empty, but I stuffed it full again.
Bigamist: I think this is Rachel’s cup. Or Amy’s. Maybe Susan’s?
Alarmist: Someone drank out of my cup! Watch out for thirsty burglars, people!
your daddy is a what now?
annoying that i have to flush three times to get rid of all my billiard balls
Husband: You should get your hair cut.
Miss 11: If I get my hair cut I’m not giving you any
prepare for thanksgiving? i’ve been overeating and arguing with my family for years, i was born ready for this
A new cook asked the head chef what beer to use for boiling the brats and was told “the worst beer we have.”
But, why sir?
Chef: yes
I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still
People who wear cycle helmets with a little camera on the top can be quite intimidating, especially if it’s the first time you’re having sex with them
Read “intermittent fasting” as “internet fasting,” and I think I may have inadvertently stumbled upon the healthiest lifestyle change ever
Security are trying to arrest a man who stole some binoculars from Duty Free. The problem is he can see them coming a mile away
Cat or sheep
