I never knew an entire box of cereal was a serving size until I had a teenage son.
Winnipeg!!
I鈥檓 not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I鈥檓 driving.
I am thick and tired. 馃檮
In other news, I found my car keys in the air fryer.
just had an email from my barber saying that his shop is back open and offering ‘one to one appointments’, which implies the existence of the somewhat terrifying ‘group haircut’
Basically, any European coat of arms:
That time a cat set off an atomic bomb in my coffee
Silence of the Lambs is so relatable to me cuz I also understand the importance of moisturizing
could鈥檝e been anyone
Me: *smugly* I couldn’t name any Taylor Swift Songs
Them: I think she already named them.
Sorry I can鈥檛 carpool to work. That鈥檚 the 20 minutes I use to angry scream.
Halloween is great because it combines two of my favorite hobbies: driving out to a wet farm to handpick the heaviest inedible vegetable I can find, and taking my small disguised children out past their bedtimes to roam the streets in darkness
