According to my chocolate advent calendar tomorrow is Christmas
Nonmaterial gift ideas:
An experience
A home cooked meal
Offer to destroy one of their enemies
Clean their house
*chomping on a cookie*
Girl Scouts can’t run very fast
[applying mascara]
Brain: open your mouth.
Them: what book would you take to a deserted island?
Me: idk, “the idiots guide to survival”
Ahh Monday.. Like the unpleasant realisation of an auto renewal that’s 3 X the original price
I found myself sitting beside the doctor who delivered me 42 years ago so I asked “do you remember me?” and he looked at me all serious and replied “it’s hard to tell when you’re wearing clothes”
I think the waitress may have been flirting with me until she saw the text size on my phone
Them: The tables have turned
Me: HOW CAN YOU TELL, THEY ARE CIRCLES
Names should have syllable limits. Oh your name is Jeremiah? Nice to meet you Ted
Wicked was really good except for the 1 year intermission I don’t need that long to go to the bathroom
Seems legit
I’ve started doing some weight training. I’ve already taught them “sit” and “stay.
You don’t see great advertising like this anymore
Accidentally asking a complete stranger what they fancy for dinner, as your partner’s quietly wandered off to a different part of the supermarket