Nativity season is upon us! My son has been cast as a wise man. My daughter, on the otherhand –
coworker: we’re all gonna go to dinner next thursday. you in?
me: no thanks i’m not hungry
If I ever get married again, I’m writing my own vows. I got different shit to say this time.
You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.
My political views don’t have to be the same as your political views and that’s ok. One of us has to be a dumbass.
Ah yes time to come home and have a nice nutritious meal called “37 crackers”
I thought they were just making up names, so imagine my surprise when I googled and
Time magazine should have a Worst Person of the Year
One of my kid’s friends was talking about how he told his dad about a cool new group called Bon Jovi
No you didn’t, 9 year old lol
Found a mystery grape in my building today. Gonna ask it questions like a crystal ball.
i’m sure this is part of an ad campaign or whatever, but out of context i thought shaq was having a psychotic break
I’m old, but I’m not against new music. Have you guys heard of The Police? They’re awesome
The name Sir Mix-a-lot sounds like he would be better at baking than rapping
If you’re over 60, don’t shovel snow