Movie idea:
A slasher film that ends with the heroine gloating as she hands the killer over to the cops, but then she realizes her car is parked over in the same direction. They all have to walk together and make small talk and it’s super awkward.
English is kinda weird but I’m so glad it isn’t a gendered language. It is none of my business what gender bread identifies as.
I guess the creator of Pop Rocks was like:
Sugar isn’t enough, they need to detonate
Everyone is fighting a battle (with goblins) that you know nothing about (because you failed a perception check)
Just wait. All of the Presidents will be on sale tomorrow
Office Tip: If you have an even slightly more advanced understanding of Excel, do not, I repeat, do not share this secret with your coworkers.
Old MacDonald had a personalised numberplate, E1 E10.
Old MacDonald had a walkie talkie, Echo India Echo India Oscar.
Why can’t medications have positive side effects? Like “may make everything you eat taste like chocolate cake” or “may make you remember why you walked into that room the first time”.
The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.
An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.
I cringe every time I think about that time I was enquiring about a stargazing event at an observatory and I accidentally asked if it was an all day event.
My Aunt Mabel was fond of saying that something was “uglier than homemade sin” but when asked what store bought sin might have looked like, she’d just get pissed.
lot of dog owners seem to think their dog has the right of way over me on the sidewalk. nice try buddy i will play chicken with your french bulldog and i will mow him down
I’m in a really bad place right now*
*in my neighbor’s driveway “stealing” my doordash that was delivered to the wrong house