I bought a bag of M&M’s and they don’t have M’s anymore. They all have W’s… for woke
I did vote once but only because I thought the line was to a buffet.
Reading that the economy is good while perusing 1 bedroom apartments being rented for 5,000 dollars a month and looking at jobs that pay 31,000 dollars a year.
Are you sure you want to unsubscribe? Yes. Really really sure? Yes. Really really really sure? Yes. What if I show you my promo code? No. Please write a 600 word essay on unsubscribing.
Wish companies would stop advertising cereal as having raisins or nuts in it and then putting like three in the whole damn box. Is this homeopathic cereal? There was a raisin nearby, and now it’s just a fuzzy memory? Should it be renamed “Raisin Nut Vibes”?
Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.
On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.
Friends with no kids are like:
Want to go to New Zealand this Friday?
Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.
Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.
*his phone rings*
Me: who is she?
Him: huh
Me: who is Potential Spam!?
Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons & a big check.
– Will you donate your organs when you die?
– No, I will not do anything when I die. I will be dead.
Why is it always cooking on Saturday Kitchen? Why don’t they mop the floor or stick a wash on, or something?
My pal said, “Cheer up, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
I know he means well.