Starting all my work emails today with, “to whom it’s about to concern”.
8 year old: we’re learning about ancient Rome at school
me: awesome! I’ve actually been to the Colosseum
8 year old: did you watch the people fighting?
Chefs: you eat with your eyes first
Me, eating with my mouth: oh no
Emma is smarter than all of us.
Love bombing?
I’ve never even been love water ballooned
Sitting outside of a bar re-reading the Hinge profile of the dude I’m about to meet like I’m cramming for a test
Steven: Good evening
Stephen: Good ephening
I swear to god after this election I’m taking a long break from social media for 2-3 hours
there was a fight tonight in ~hot sculpted yoga tonight bc one girl took another girl’s mat and it ended w the first girl *flicking the other girl’s forehead* after the teacher saying “don’t do it..don’t do it…DON’T DO IT’ and when she did it the whole class collectively gasped
Never tell your electrical engineer parent you want to be a transformer for Halloween.
“Have you seen the cat, Sam?”
“The what now?”
Husband made a meme about our baby’s reaction every time he sees the cat
Talk about a bad egg
😤😤
